Ladyj6777's Blog

The closure

ladyj6777 — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 00:34:36 +0000

Whatever his flaws are, he is easily forgivable because of his gentle demeanor and sincere spirit. He might not say the truth straight-forward, but, he tried to comfort as he talked. I’m not sure if he expected me to say a lot when he asked me for a meeting or maybe I sounded hurt the last time we met and he knew he had to do something to settle the situation as part of his job. Regardless of his reasons, I waited for this day of closure. It was more than a year ago since I was pushed away from the thing I loved doing, singing. I was so happy that I never realized that the leader wasn’t fond of me. Although it is not much of a comparison for some, for me, it was like a fiance that betrayed my trust and love. It was the same kind of pain that lingers even when I sleep and when I’m alone. It was the same pain that cause so much hurt and made me to almost lost my joy. In fact, half of it was used up and I kept asking God for more. Which, He did. He gave me enough for a day until it no longer stresses me. However, there was a callous wall that started building inside my heart. All the pain that people has caused, all the disappointments made me a different person, a person who appreciates others but not worth the sacrifice. I could be friendly, but not very loving. I give some, but not much. I give a little, but, not all.

Singing became a friend to me. It became something I leaned on when hurt and disappointed with friends. Sometimes, I felt like I chose the wrong friends, because they just keep on hurting me to the point of pushing me away when they get used to being with me. When I’ve grown older, I observed that I like better the friend I didn’t gave much time to be with before. Now, I treat them as they are. No efforts, just ordinary friends you hang out with when chance permits.

Yet, singing, can also betray. All the people that we are supposed to rely on and the activities that give us joy could hurt us even more. If there’s something I learned again from this lesson is never to depend your happiness on any thing aside from the joy of being in a relationship with God. I never should have considered the ministry as a boyfriend, as a family or as a friend. Because it isn’t. Ministry is ministry. It is service, a sacrifice to give God glory. That way it wouldn’t hurt so much. Maybe the same way with friends, you never have to love them deeply just like they are a part of you because when they’re gone, then you have alreday lost a part of you. You’ll not be able to function in optimum level. Joy comes only from God. We only enjoy what we do, and who we’re it for a moment as God permits.

It’s good that I could talk with somebody regarding the ministry because somebody is in charge. Somebody is forced to be responsible for what I felt. It’s harder with relationships. It’s harder to have a closure with people. Sometimes, you just have to accept and change with time.

depending rather than striving

ladyj6777 — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 01:01:31 +0000

I’ve always been amazed by how God has been providing for my life. He promised me prosperity. Some people might think prosperity is gained through hard work and perseverance. Not the same way for me. I somehow experienced a different kind of provision. Every time I strive, it just went to nothing. I panicked at the start. I felt guilty that unlike most people, mine is more of trusting God and accepting His blessings I tried applying to different jobs, even call centers. No company, as in zero companies dare to hire me. I once got a job at a nearby high school, I just got sick to my throat. I coughed the whole night. I thought I would lose my voice forever. The job was so abusive, 8 to 9 hours of non-stop talking. It was so tough. But, it was fine with me. I was happy to have a regular job, but when the pay envelope was handed, my salary was a thousand less than what was agreed upon during the contract signing. I guess a person that has been goad to working should be treated with respect. Having a pay that is so small is not enough, I still need to be cheated off my thousand pesos. That was the last straw for teaching. I happened last yea. Dont’ know if I’ll ever feel like teaching again. It was catastrophic everytime I strive on my own. It’s as if God has been teaching me to depend only opn Him and not on my own skills and effort. He wanted me to put off pride and self-dependence. There’s nobody else I should trust aside from Him. It was downright hard for somebody like me. I felt like a bum. I felt like I’m not useful and my time in the world hasn’t been used efficiently. However, I also learned that only God could decide on that. He alone uses us when we’re ready. Only He knows what’s best for us and what He plans for us. I heard of a story told by Joel Osteen. He said that he’s been truing hard to catch leaves every time he went out of the house. But, unable to catch even one. One day, a leaf just fell to his shoulder without effort, without striving. It spoke to me. God works the same way with me. He wants me to quit striving and just depend on Him like awaiting manna on the desert every morning. I’m sure this kind of training He has been doing with me has to do with what’s awaiting me either in the future or in heaven. I might not know for now. Still, I will depend on God who created me and loves me.

When to fight and when to give up

ladyj6777 — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:26:25 +0000

When is the best time to give up and let go? What is the difference between giving up and moving on? How will you know that something is not meant for you? How will you know that something has to be fought for even when the circumstances say otherwise? This is a question I’ve been battling since then. Sometimes, I’m wondering if I should have fought for things and if I could have achieved better if I did. Likewise, I thought why I hang on for so long to certain things that I should have let go from the start especially when I realized how much time was wasted. Either way, it is still a risk and my responses have always been dependent on how important they are to me. The effort and the time spent are correlated with how hurt I will be if I don’t have them. Maybe, there are accurate principles in handling situations. Whatever it is, I hope to learn it. And if I don’t, I’m still sure God will work them out for good because I love and believe in Him.

speak blessing

ladyj6777 — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:27:25 +0000

We often hear people say “think positive”. And, as we think positive, we also have to speak positive. Most people never realize is how the words we speak could be used as a blessing or a curse. It could work both ways, depending on the way we use them. Sometimes, we hurt people with the words we say out of frustration. Likewise, we make people happy when we give praises when we like what they did for us. We have to use words as a way to tell people how we appreciate them. We have to use words to bring encouragement to the people who surround us.

People in authority are significant givers of blessing in the words they speak. Parents, teachers, managers, coaches, all of us have people who look up to us. These people who are counting for our guidance and approval. We have to be mindful of the utterances we provide them everyday. Let’s be conscious to speak only words that will bless their lives. Parents have a space in their children’s lives that only they can fill. No matter how children try to hide this need for their parent’s approval, no matter how successful they have become, no matter how distant they are from their parents, also parants can speak blessing to their children that will powerfully bless their lives. So, why withold the blessing to them? Why would you not bless the people you love if you know you could?

We could also speak blessing to our own life. These words are the spirit of our faith. It shows how much we believe our Heavenly Father to provide for us, and to guide us every day, every step of our lives. The words we tell others about ourselves, the words we say to ourselves matter. It’s something we could do for our own life that will ultimately follow through. Let’s start saying things like “I’m a beautiful person, God loves me” , “Today will be the best day of my life”, “I am a day closer to my goals in life”, “I am successful and will be more successful.” Stop looking down on your self. What you think is what you are, what you say is what you get. Believe more, and be more. Speak blessing and be blessed.

getting rid of trash

ladyj6777 — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 07:49:33 +0000

After cutting down the big plants, disposing them is the next problem. The people who collect the trash aren’t friendly or welcoming about the job. Good thing, two workers were left who helped out in throwing the trash to the trucks. I wonder why getting rid of trash could be such a difficult task. People don’t need them, people dislike them, so who would take responsibility in managing the trash. The same thing with the annoying and irresponsible people whom we just can’t get rid of. We hate them, we avoid them, but, they just keep clinging to us, because they have no where else to go. But, somebody has to be responsible in managing them. They have to be helped and rehabilitated, so that they will be useful to the society again. Their potential has to be discovered so that rather than be a nuisance, they will be helpful in the society. Even trash when found its proper place, can find its value.

higher ground

ladyj6777 — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 00:09:08 +0000

I usually wake up with a quiet atmosphere. I’ll sip a cup of MILO, read a few chapters from the Bible, thank God for His blessings and then proceed with reading books of my choice, listen to podcasts or practice piano. But, for the 6th day now, it’s different. There are a bunch of skilled workers wearing shabby clothes walking in and out of the house, making several daunting sounds you can only hear from a construction site. I’m sure the neighbors aren’t happy about it. What can they say? They created the most obstruction in this community. One of the reasons why I decided to pursue this renovation is to deal with the small driveway they left me with. Those trucks that block our driveway everyday are such a nuisance. Just thinking about how inconsiderate they are make my blood pressure go up. Since they are the neighbors I won’t be able to get rid off, we need to put up with them. Arguments with neighbors you live beside with aren’t options I am willing to take. Instead of asking them to change, we dealt with our own problem. We are about to make our gate and driveway bigger. I guess it’s harder to change other people. For me, it’s always easier to deal with myself than others. It’s worth it. Bigger gate, bigger driveway, taller walls, bigger and cleaner backyard. Aside from solving the problem, there are also additional bonuses. A lot of times in life, when we’re forced to look into ourselves for change, we see a lot of potential we haven’t tapped into that we can still take advantage of. Accepting challenges that come our way is a very capable catalyst to move us to higher ground, otherwise, we never step in to.

We built our wall

ladyj6777 — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 06:19:54 +0000

I woke up early to look for the best supplier of materials. I went to three hardware stores, giving them a list of all the supplies and asked them to put their prices. I finally chose one store. It is a family business owned by a chinese family and runned by a 22 year old boy who, seems sensitive and knowledgeable about their business. Not all prices are low, so I gave him the prices of the 2 stores and asked him to give a little discount. He did, so I asked him to deliver after paying him more than thirty-six thousand pesos. He said he will deliver in an hour. When I returned home, the workers are done digging the floor where the foundation of the post will be placed. 3 hours passed, around 1pm, delivery arrived. But, it was just partial. It turned out that delivery couldn’t be contained on one elf truck. Moreover, sand and gravel has to be delivered exclusively. Workers started right away. 6 deform bars, 12mm in diameter were used for each post. Several sacks of cement, sands double the amount of the cement and several pales of grava stones were poured into the post, which now has been covered by plywood that serves as mold for the shape of the post. After 2 to 3 days, 4 posts of this kind were standing upright reaching toward the sky, more than 8 feet in height. Next, they piled the hollow blocks, one over another to form the wall. After an hour, the wall is around 7 feet high. Immediately, they laid more cement making the wall smooth finish. That was my choice. I thought, rough finish is ugly and might look undone. That is our house’s wall, our own exclusive wall where only me and mommy could get in through the service door. Nobody should get in that is not invited. Those who will get in through climbing the wall or gate are intruders or thieves. So, that’s how it is. A wall has been built that is meant to protect us from the rest of world. We want our privacy. We want our peace. We made it tall and bigger because we want our boundaries protected. We will go out when we’re ready to meet other people. We will go out when we’re ready to step outside our comfort zone and decided to mingle with the outside world, the world outside our big, tall wall.

how to enjoy the most your hard earned money

ladyj6777 — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 01:50:43 +0000

We sweat for the money we earn. Much effort is spent just to earn a little. So, it’s useless if we’ll waste this hard earned money on small, insignificant things. I realized that the more the value of the object of our purchase, the more value it is for our money. Isn’t it great joy if you could save money to buy a brand new car, or pay for the installment of your own house? These are the things that we could enjoy better because we could use them longer and could make our lives more comfortable. In my case, I feel so grateful for the money I saved out of the interest credited from my time deposit account. It feels so good when I withdrew a significant amount that I used for the renovation of the gate of our house and it’s walls. If I spent it just on clothes, bags or some other insignificant time consuming activities, I would not have appreciated it that much. Another example I could think of is buying several feet-painful slippers against saving for one good quality pair of shoes that I could use comfortably everyday. Sacrificing several night outs to save for a 3 day out of the country vacation is another good practice. The point is to create something big for the money that you earn by not spending it on little stuffs that doesn’t add value to life.

Wisdom is knowledge about the ordinary, everyday details of life

ladyj6777 — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:40:41 +0000

1. Always go back to the basic.

2. Invest on other’s emotional bank account. Try not to withdraw, but always to deposit.

3. Be aware of the principles that affect your relationships, success and self-growth.

4. It’s never too late to learn new things and be an expert. All you need to accomplish is 10,000 hours of practice and study.

5. There’s never a reason to be resentful of past choices, if we’ll always be open to start fresh.

back to basic

ladyj6777 — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:24:23 +0000

A few weeks ago, my mom and I bought an electric steamer. We plan to use it to steam vegetables, dimsum and other stuffs rather than using the conventional electric stove and steamer. Sadly, it just stopped working this morning. For this reason, I searched the cabinet for the ever dependable steamer and electric stove which was with my mom since we were small.

It’s seldom that we appreciate the basics. But, everytime, we’re lost or confuse, going back to the basic almost always bring us back to our anchor. I remember feeling drowned in my own doubts and thoughts, and the only thing that put me back to my normality is to go back to my bible reading and to pray. The most basic thing in life is to return to our ultimate purpose in life, to enjoy our relationship with God. We could choose to do a lot of work to keep us busy, or to engage in much complex relationships socially, still returning to our basic, uncomplicated relationship with our Creator makes us still and peaceful.